What is it that you like about your American culture? Is it
the freedom you have in almost all aspects of life (including going anywhere
you want, saying whatever you want, wearing whatever you want, etc.)? Is it the
American celebration of specific holidays? Or the style of clothes that we as
Americans wear?
In the past year we’ve stepped into a completely different
culture (in almost every aspect of life) from the natural one we grew up in. If
the darkest African woman you can imagine walked down the street in a small
town in Arkansas in her native African dress (which may or may not include a
shirt) and spoke loudly in her own native language while trying to relieve
herself on the side of the street, how do you think she would be received into
that community? I’m thinking she wouldn’t immediately be invited to your
daughter’s wedding or over to your house for coffee and chatting. (Disclaimer:
but maybe she would, because we, as Americans, have become so accustomed to
many immigrants coming into our nation. The same certainly can’t be said for
other countries.)
Similarly, we have stepped into a small town in Asia that is
NOT used to immigrants with all of our (VERY DIFFERENT) culture with us. If
this “strangely” dressed African woman speaking a foreign language decided to
start wearing American clothes, begin learning English, and followed social
norms by relieving herself in a toilet, my guess is that her acceptance in the
community would increase dramatically. Keeping our social expectations in mind
and understanding that the world view we have stepped in to is EVEN smaller
than any American small town, we have intentionally made adjustments to the
ways that we live to become more understandable to the people around us as well
as to give us opportunities to step more smoothly into people’s lives without
all the neighbors gawking at us out their windows and talking behind our backs.
There have been some easier cultural transitions than
others. While sometimes I miss my American clothes, I have generally found my
style niche in the cultural clothes here. We both enjoy cooking AND eating
SPICY food (both burn-your-tongue kind and
full-of-more-spices-than-you’ve-ever-used-in-your-life kind of spicy food).
Bumping up all levels of hospitality has been both fun to enjoy as well as
fulfilling to serve other people in the same way. But other things are a little
bit harder to adjust to.
Seeing so many cute fall decorations on the Internet and
hearing of the fun fall festival activities sometimes makes me feel jealous and
really miss the things of my home culture (naturally, because this is where I
grew up). And I’ll only briefly mention how disappointing it is not to feel the
excitement of football season “in the air”, because it’s a little hard to
appreciate a good football Saturday afternoon when you have to wake up at 5 AM
to watch a live video feed (that may or may not skip) and not have cheese
readily available to make all the delicious tailgating food.
And that is just things on the entertainment and holiday
side of American life. I also really miss the cultural appropriateness of women
going where they want to BY THEMSELVES with THEIR OWN mode of transportation. American
ladies: DON’T TAKE THIS FOR GRANTED; you are truly blessed with so much
freedom. (Side issue: I should say that I do have the physical freedom to go
places by myself, but after several times of being the object of an unashamed
stare fest of men, getting taken down “shortcuts” that you’ve never seen before
in a semi-sketchy, open rickshaw with a guy you’ve never met before, and
walking down seemingly long roads with ONLY men out (who again I’ll say are not
ashamed to stare), (I thought I’d never in a million years say this) it is SO
much more freeing to be escorted places by my husband on the back of his
motorcycle and down the street. Even though I choose to be escorted because it
is the far better way to travel, I am still an independent lady who really
misses getting to and from places as well as accomplishing simple things like
grocery shopping ON MY OWN).
However, after more than a year in this country, there’s more
than just laying down some of my natural cultural experiences and picking up
new ones, there’s recently been a longing to be understood by the people around
us. After so much work to be attentive and to be quick learners (and doers) of the culture around us
(and being from a culturally welcoming nation), we start to feel like people
don’t know who we are as Americans and also don’t really care that much about
getting to know our culture (while we are in the thick of trying to fit into
theirs).
If I had a penny for every time in the last two weeks I’ve
heard G tell a friend, “Well in AMERICA…”, I’d be a rich lady. This phrase has
not had much room in our vocabulary in the past, but it seems to be surfacing
as our relationships with people are going deeper with friends who have at this
point somewhat blanketed us (thankfully) as taking on all Asian culture. But as
they get to know us, they are starting to realize that unlike them, we don’t
stay up till 2 A.M. or wake up at 9 AM; I don’t make roti (like a tortilla) and
a fresh meal breakfast, lunch, and dinner; our music and movies are very
different from theirs; I NEED to get out of the house more than once a week;
and my home is always slightly messy. And generally when our friends notice new
things in our lives that remind them we are not Asian, they respond in a
surprising way: with the recommendation that we actually should do one of these things
their way and why it’s easier/best. And when we try to share interesting things
that we like about our culture like food, music, holidays, traditions, etc, we
generally get a somewhat polite way of saying, “Oh that’s nice,” and then a
transition of the topic to something they are familiar with.
In NO WAY do we want to force our American culture on the
culture around us, but there are times when we do not want to COMPLETELY
surprise our friends when we exercise our American ways of living even in small
ways. And I would especially like for my American food that I was excited to
share to be more than picked at and my music to be listened to rather than
quickly changed to their favorite Bollywood song.
I'm thinking that this sounds slightly negative toward the people around us, but what else can I say, it is the truth about the transition we're going through here right now. We just get frustrated and disappointed with people. Don't we all sometimes? Luckily, these feelings come and go, and some Asians are more gracious than others when we want to share about our culture.
I'm thinking that this sounds slightly negative toward the people around us, but what else can I say, it is the truth about the transition we're going through here right now. We just get frustrated and disappointed with people. Don't we all sometimes? Luckily, these feelings come and go, and some Asians are more gracious than others when we want to share about our culture.
And honestly, it's okay if not everyone understands who we are culturally as Americans, we know that the life we lead here comes with
hard sacrifices. But also this new life comes with some incredibly fascinating and exciting
experiences that we get to have because of our location across the ocean. I may
not be able to get in the festive fall spirit by decorating my front porch with
a hay bale and pumpkins because our neighbors might think we have a new pet
goat and are trying to feed the monkeys pumpkins (that are green I might add).
And that’s okay. We just sometimes both really miss being understood by the people around
us. There’s no easy solution to resolving our frustrations in culture that
we’re facing right now, but we do stand firm in our Lord and our identity
in His kingdom. He knows us intimately and cares for us. And we know He is with
us as we struggle through this new season of life.
